The Onion
WASHINGTON—Returning from vacation appearing more relaxed than he had in months, creatively recharged Fox News host Tucker Carlson told reporters Tuesday that he had come up with a week’s worth of show ideas after a Hispanic cashier gave him the wrong change.
WASHINGTON—Returning from vacation appearing more relaxed than he had in months, creatively recharged Fox News host Tucker Carlson told reporters Tuesday that he had come up with a week’s worth of show ideas after a Hispanic cashier gave him the wrong change.
“I’m really glad I switched up my routine, because you never know when some lazy, uneducated Hispanic teenager tries stealing from you by giving you a single instead of a ten back and inspiration will strike,” said a tanned, smiling Carlson, adding that the experience immediately gave him the idea to spend at least a week criticizing immigrants for taking over the country and being ungrateful for the jobs America is providing them.
“Those last couple weeks before my vacation, I felt like I was really phoning it in creatively. You can only do many episodes about how Ilhan Omar is leading a cabal of minorities to install Black supremacy in the country before it begins to feel a bit stale, you know?
"But then that Hispanic cashier tried to stiff me and didn’t apologize well enough for my liking, and then I heard him speaking Spanish to a coworker as I was leaving—it was like a light bulb went off.
"The creative juices started flowing, and before I knew it, I had a solid several hours of attacking immigrants for invading our country and uprooting traditional American values. I feel like the old Tucker Carlson again.”
Carlson added that although he did feel creatively rejuvenated, one aspect of returning to work he wasn’t looking forward to having to send a bunch of hate emails.