By Kirk Johnson
New York TimesSEATTLE — After Mary Flo Werner died last week of cancer, her nine grandchildren filed in through the big white doors of their Catholic church in Janesville, Wis., for the funeral Mass. Nine plus the priest made 10, the maximum number allowed to gather since a widening coronavirus outbreak led to strict limits on public gatherings.
Left to grieve in the church parking lot were Ms. Werner’s four adult children. They sat in their cars and watched their 74-year-old mother’s service on their phones and tablets.
In Staten Island, N.Y., the family of Arnold Obey, 73, a retired school principal, does not know when or how his funeral might occur. Mr. Obey died Sunday night while vacationing in Puerto Rico, and his wife is in isolation in a San Juan hotel room, awaiting her coronavirus test results.
Meri Dreyfuss, a tech worker in the San Francisco area whose older sister, Barbara Dreyfuss, died in Seattle this month of complications from the coronavirus, has put off a funeral until the fall.
“We can’t properly bury our dead because of the situation,” she said. “We can’t mourn together, we can’t share memories together, we can’t get together and hug each other.”
The rituals of honoring and saying goodbye to the dead run deep.
Reaching out to touch in sympathy and condolence feels instinctive. But the coronavirus, in its confounding and confining effects — stay-at-home orders, bans on large gatherings and fears of travel and exposure — is blowing those traditions apart, no matter the cause of death.
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